I just completed my census form. It gave me nice feelings of inclusion and completion. I like where I am, at the end of another cycle of life’s merry-go-round, beginning another lap.
I’m home. My address here is the first permanent one I’ve had a long time, I’ve even signed a long-term lease. When a heavy truck goes down the street in the middle of the night it feels like a cat’s jumped onto the bed [But there aren’t any fur balls around, that’s in the lease, too.] I ticked “yes” on Irish nationality.
And then I paused. The question?
Where was I this time last year?
Damned if I knew. Here in Ireland? Latin America? My tent in the Rockies? A friend’s sofa? I had to think for a few minutes – and couldn’t remember. It took me a few minutes of digging to find the physical place. I was spending too much time on I-25 between Fort Collins and Denver, prepping for a return flight to Cork.
That gave me an easy answer, one the form was looking for. The real answer takes me a bit longer to uncover. Physically, emotionally and psychically, I was in transit. Somewhere that wasn’t here yet wasn’t planted anywhere else, either. That’s not to say I wasn’t enjoying life. Living life is being in transit from birth to death, but there are times [and this could be one of them] when it’s a bit better to be more concrete and less metaphorical. I’ll have to give it a lot more thought. But that’s an investment of time and energy that takes away from my present and future. Where’s my best ROI?
I’m not just jumping in here. I’m diving. Head [and body and soul and spirit] first. When we’re on a diving board, we bounce to get the best spring, the best dive. We leave the board behind as it sends us into air, where we enjoy the view and anticipation before entering that watery environment we all came from. I’ve spent the two and half years since I sold my house bouncing on high boards, enjoying nearly all of it. Getting some wonderful views and experiences. Now it’s time to dive deeper. Into myself, into my new/old home.
I’m just opening my eyes. I love what I see.
